Husband- A king and Labourer/Commoner

By: Joe Eboigbe Esq.

Some 23 years ago I went to my Father's office to collect monies for some school supplies including books. His Orderly asked that I wait that my Dad was in a certain rush but I had to go back to Ekpoma from Benin the same day so I walked into the office. I saw the rush as he was standing to leave, but seeing me he had to attend to my needs. My father is or was not one who would give you money without justification, so he scrutinised my list and I defended every kobo. Suddenly his doors was pushed open and I heard his loud voice..... Morning Sir, it was his Boss, the Commissioner of Police Edo state.

CP: Mr. Eboigbe you must be an idiot 

Dad: Yes Sir

CP: How dare you keep me waiting, are you normal?

Dad: I am very sorry Sir.

CP: I better not get to my office before you....... and the semi illiterate, poor diction, ill mannered young Man with harsh northern accent went on hurling insults on my Dad, while he stood at attention. 

Without looking at me, my Dad said Son wait for me at home.

Seeing the great Alpha Male, King and Supreme Ruler of his household in that state broke me. My journey back home was tormentous and depressing. 

Later in life I came to my own realities that The King must submit outside his Kingdom to bring bread to the table. 

Today's post is not about my Dad, for the old man has retired and he is enjoying his retirement his own way. 

This post is about the Husband - King and Commoner and an awakening in the hearts of those he fights for.

The only place in the world where a Man is truly a King is his home and as soon as he steps out in search of daily bread he automatically becomes a commoner; he begs, he weeps, he is insulted, sometimes humiliated and humbled. He Kneels before lesser Men, demeaned by Clients, Superiors, Customers, Employers etc. All these he takes undignified but internally proud knowing that it is in and by his submission that bread is guaranteed on the table of his family. He knows that submission is the SURVIVOR'S APPARATUS.

When labour is over, he picks himself up adorning his Kingly Robes and returns to his Kingdom.  

When he returns and if he returns, *those in his kingdom* must help remind him, that here is his kingdom where he reigns supreme, as *Husband, Father and King!*

*Happy Father's Day to All the Father's!*

THE WOUND OF A FATHER: happy Father's Day

A true father goes through many unspeakable experiences to continue to be a father.

When he goes out daily in search of bread for his household, he sustains many mental injuries he does not discuss with his family.* 

*His wife and children may not be able to stand the pains he goes through if he shares it with them.

The insults from his boss, the embarrassment from his customers, the harassment from his superiors, etc. Yet he can't quit.

Most times, when he gets home, he is welcomed with nags and unending requests. He gets blames for not being able to meet up, or for not being able to be like his fellow men.

Hmmmm! He is rarely appreciated for his struggles and push just to keep the family together.

Some men had secretly dipped their hands in so many things they can't discuss with their families. Some have stolen, embezzled and borrowed so much that they live in inexpressible guilts everyday.

A real father can take anything just to keep food on the table for his household.

An adage says''goat sweats but his hair does not let people see his sweat''. Many men are sweating but no one is seeing their sweat because they have a car, a house, a job,etc.

When it comes to celebrating him, it is done casually.

He may not have breasts to breastfeed, yet everyone sucks from his unseen breasts.

He may not carry pregnancy for nine months, but he's always pregnant with family needs.

He may not know how labour pain feels, but his pains are not physical. 

Tears may not be in his eyes but he bleeds from inside when he has no means to put food on the table for his household.

His shout, hostility and moods are not premeditated, they are fallout of what he goes through. So, please understand him.

May God continue to strengthen ALL  FATHERS

 *HAPPY SUNDAY AND FATHERS’ DAY*

SAVE THE GIRL CHILD: CARELESS MOTHERS/PARENTS

IF YOU KNOW YOU CANT TRAIN AND WATCH A FEMALE CHILD GROW UNDER YOUR ROOF TILL 2O YEARS AND ABOVE, WHY THEN DO YOU GIVE BIRTH TO THEM?*

A week ago a 13 year old girl was found pregnant but she didn't know who impregnated her. But I will tell you the truth, she was raped by someone nearby and threatened not to report.

When Doctors conducted tests on her they found she was not a virgin meaning someone had been sexually abusing her.

Just yesterday another story of 13 year old who was staying with her uncle was found raped and killed.

Listen, If a man can remove the diaper of a 6 days old baby clamp the little baby's feet and rape her what would stop such a man from raping a 13 year old little girl??

The quicker we realize that we are living in a rotten society the better for our girls.

*Even at school and sometimes mosques and churches, the girls are raped by male teachers, students, religious leaders as well.*

*Even at home the girls are raped by brothers, uncles, fathers, grandfathers, nephews and male workers.*

Worse of it is even at the police station where the girls are raped right there by male police officers.

My job is to alert you and tell you things as I see them and witness on the ground.

*The truth is the girl child is not safe anywhere so what should we do as parents to help our little girls.*

***-Teach our girls to dress decently. Naked dresses should be avoided by mothers, sisters aunties, maids, mentors and our daughters. 

***Teach our girls to fear the night because that's when most predators lurk around and wait for the victims.

***Teach our girls what is inappropriate behavior so that they know when someone is touching them wrongly.

***Seriously teach our girls some defence mechanisms that have helped several girls.

***Sex education is very important for our girls. *Let a girl child or even boy child know that PRIVATE PARTS are not to be touched or played with, let them understand that nobody is to see their private parts unless their husbands or wives.*

***Teach your little girls not to be trusting around men of any nature.

*When I was growing up I wondered why my mother would make my sister wear underwear or wrap herself in a scarf when my uncles and father were at home, it is now that I realize that our mothers have always known from generations that even family members rape, defile and sexually abuse the girl child.*

We girls in my family dress properly at home without exposure thinking that our male family members are just family.

 *Help protect others from temptations.*

***Don't be careless and trusting for as we speak some mothers are still stitching the wounds of their little girls.

***Don't be that woman who hides such disgusting acts under a carpet to save your marriage or family; think about that broken girl child.

***As a man, don't be that man who undresses in front of a 10 year old girl and without shame commit the act.

***Don't be that neighbor who knows that abuses are happening in a particular house and you close your ears to the cries of a girl child.

***Don't be that Police Officer who takes bribe and allows the perpetrators of child sexual abuse to walk away free.

*It looks simple until your own little girl is affected.*

 *Be vigilant and don't make your child one of the Year 2020 & beyond statistics.*

***Let parents practice the fear of the Lord and how they must not do anything to offend so that the girl child can know how the love and fear of God is practiced!

*No one, I repeat no one can protect the girl child more than you the mother, the auntie, the cousin, the sister,* 

*PLEASE, WAKE UP!!!*

*PROTECT THE GIRL CHILD!!!.*

*IF THIS ARTICLE MAKES SENSE TO YOU, AND YOU ARE REALLY FEELING BAD THE WAY FEMALE CHILDREN ARE BEING MOLESTED, THEN...*

*YOU ARE PERMITTED TO SHARE AND POST TO ANY LENGTH YOU CAN, TO BOTH MOTHERS AND FATHERS ON YOUR LIST AND TO ANY GROUP AND PAGE.*

SAVE THE  GIRL CHILD TODAY!*.

THANKS

OUR GRANDPAS HAD 'SIDE CHICKS' aka "ALE" AND WILL REMAIN WITH HUMANITY

In those days, mothers and grannies knew their hubbies' "ales" (concubines). Call them side chicks today.  In fact, they knew the day the "ale" would be coming to farm to collect food stuffs. They would respect themselves and won't go to farm that day.

"I am going out o", baba would announce. 

"Are you still coming back?" Mama would ask.

"No. You may lock your door."

Case closed. Mama knew where her hubby would spend the night. Before he came back following morning, his food was ready.  And it won't be poisoned!

At times, you would bring home a lady or guy from your hometown and your mum would say never, you can't marry him or her and she would never tell you why. She would do everything to separate you guys. 

She had her reasons. That lady or guy was sired by your father.  Mother knew but won't tell you until much, much later!

Your uncle (daddy's elder brother) would die and daddy would simply "take over" his wife and mama would politely oblige! 

I can hear many of you, especially, women saying: "THIS IS RUBBISH!" "ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!" "ORO RIRUN!" "I CAN NEVER TAKE THESE!" "GOD FORBID BAD THING!" "WE WILL ALL DIE THERE!"

NINE out of TEN of those our mothers knew what to do to make life miserable for both hubby and "ale". They could have easily killed them. They could have walked away and abandon their kids. 

But they knew the implication of broken homes. It was the indignities they suffered and endured that made their children what they later became in life.

If they didn't suffer these "nonsenses", their kids would not even go to school. 

While we are living in a DIFFERENT society from theirs, it was not by accident that many of them lived to be 80, 85, 95, 100. 

Yet, those of us who now have access to the best life can ever hardly live to be 65! 

Granny lived to be 98.  But her granddaughter died at 50!  

Reasons: 

▪️Grandma held a tradition of keeping her peace with her husband, his kith and kin by all means

▪️ Grandma dedicated herself  raising her children under their fathers roof and paternal influence.

▪️Grandma believed that, for her children to do well in life, they needed the father's blessing.

▪️She had been a woman raised by her own mother with the consciousness that after your God, is your Lord (husband). And that a proper woman lives in her husband's house, and never creates any reason to leave, till death do them part.

▪️She never knew single motherhood as an option or a respectable way of life life, because women who could not manage their homes were actually known to have failed in their God-given mandate in the lives of husbands and children.

▪️ Grandma believed that men are men, and knew that her submissiveness to the lion of her tribe was a major way to keep him tender towards her, irrespective of his other rascalities.

▪️ Grandma was a totally faithful woman to her husband, and very loyal without considering that as a favor to her husband. She knew that her chastity in marriage was key to her husband's prosperity. This is spiritual.

▪️ Grandma knew that each time her husband brought out the cane to discipline erring children, her duty was to support him discipline them, and could only pet and soothe the crying child secretly later. She taught children a lesson with this system; _The Father's authority is unquestionable._ This was a tradition which helped traditional rulership so effective and efficient in those days. Mothers taught children to obey rules strictly.

▪️ Grandma made her husband realize that she had no other idol than him. He therefore was always under the burden of conscience and responsibility to feed and clothe her and her children at the least, even if school wasn't in the picture.

▪️ Grandma would live in her husband's hut with her family, and with contentment. She would never drive him to go look for a bigger house and buy a bicycle or motorcycle to impress her friends. Infact she never had any gang of friends. Only a few gossip and jist partners. They kept life simple and we're happy

▪️ Grandma knew how to "gbojukuro". That is, she knew how "to look away" from people's faults, especially from her husband and children.

▪️By virtue of all these she was able to hold her Peace....and have true peace within her soul at all times. Life was simple for her because she made it simple for herself and her family.

Today, these values we saw in Grandma seem lost. And her own granddaughter lived to about half her age

Cause of death: High Blood Pressure! 

Mama's cause of death: Old Age!!

Can we have the spirit of Grandma in our wives and daughters again?

DADDY, MUMMY: AVOID FAMILY PORNOGRAPHY!!!!

MUMMY!!

Please Stop sitting as if you are in the labour room; Opening your legs for your son to see your inner tight & pant.

DADDY!!

Please Don't wear ordinary boxers at home that you sit

down, Open your legs and your 'thing' is dangling and your

daughter is seeing it.

There are things you should not wear beyond your bedroom,

just for your spouse.

Don't say because you want to enjoy your freedom in your

house.

It is not your house alone, it's a family house/home.

You are putting your children into sexual bondage through

these acts.i know you may not understand it but,

MUMMY!

Wearing ordinary bra around the house in the presence of your

sons is dangerous.

No, they won't lust after you. But you might be increasing their

curiosity to see the breasts of ladies out there.

DADDY!

Wearing ordinary Boxers around your house in the presence of

your daughters is dangerous too.

Not that your daughters will lust after you but it makes them to

actually see how the real thing is.

DEAR PARENTS!

Let's stop being 'PORNOGRAPHY MATERIALS' to our children.

Raising sexually pure children, it begins at home.'

As parents, it is still your responsibility to build virtue into your

family.

If your Children are not properly groomed, they may never get

to the top in life, even if you the parents are at the top of your

respective careers.

MANNERS take you to where your education can't irrespective

of your status , money or "who you know".

PLEASE MUMS & DADS, take note of what you just read now.

Don't make mistakes that will bring you pain and sorrow in the

future.

Don't say you are not married, you will soon get married,

please put this into practice.

Remember a child's mind is like a video camera, it records

everything as it sees or hear it. 

A replay of it will tell you the

things you have done how you did or say it.

May God bless you and your wonderful homes.

Author: Anonymous

Daily Motivation for today Saturday 8th May 2021: Some things you copy are problems People are trying to solve

 

Husband and wife decided to attend a new church, the husband drives in an expensive car valued #25,000.000.00 , each day they arrive church the husband will alight first, then he will move to the passenger seat to open the car for his wife to alight, 

The practice of opening the car for his wife continued over time, later other women in the church began to envy the woman, accordingly they began to challenge their poor husbands at home for not treating them like the man who opens car for his wife, that after all, the man is rich yet treats his wife like a queen.

It became a serious issue in some families. While women were praising the man , the men regarded him as foolish man. When the matter got to the man's notice,, he requested permission from the pastor to address the church and his permission was granted

He said:

 The reason I open the car for my wife is because the car lock is faulty and can only be opened from outside, it will cost me about #500,000.00 to fix because it has a security chain that connects other systems in the car and I do not have such money now. It is not my normal style to open car door for my wife, we are just managing the car problem.

Some things you copy are problems People are trying to solve.

Author:  Anonymous

19 ways to fix your Wife - when she is falling apart

Very interesting food for thought for every man around the world 

____________________

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties. You will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed.

.

When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on Children, can easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy.

If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

.

Pic by wikihow.com

1. *CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM*

You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely

.

2. *BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES*

Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.

.

3. *BE APPRECIATIVE*

Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife

.

4. *GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT*

Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

.

5. *GET MACHINE*

Get all the machine needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering Machine, etc

.

6. *BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT*

Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

.

7. *HOLD HER*

Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

.

8. *JUST LISTEN*

Most men are known to be good talker but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

.

9. *BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER*

Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them

.

10. *GIVE HER HOPE*

No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

.

11. *BE SENSITIVE*

Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting.

Learn the act of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

.

12. *PRAY FOR HER*

Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it alone.

Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask God to comfort her and help her see herself as He see’s her as a woman of virtue.

.

13. *PRAY WITH HER*

Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

.

14. *ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP*

Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

.

15. *HELP AROUND THE HOUSE*

Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs,

.

16. *TAKE HER OUT*

Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema, go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.

.

17. *ALLOW HER TO CRY, IF SHE MUST*

“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?” This is what most high handed husband will do when their wives cries, what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

.

18. *LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY*

Sometimes if need be, allow her to go on holiday all alone to free up burden occupying her mind, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.

.

19. *CELEBRATE HER*

Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wifehood, support, thoughtfulness. This will make her day.

.

*Let the men read and apply....*

*Let the women read share, and forward to the men..*

Daddies in the house, please, read it ooo 

Author: Anonymous

COMMON MISTAKES OF THE MODERN DAY FATHERS

By Bisi Adewale 

During the Mothers’ Day celebration in a prison, a Christian ministry visited the inmates with greeting cards they could send to their mothers. The ministry offered to pay for the postage of the cards to their mothers.

All inmates came out of their cells to send the greeting cards to their mothers to the extent that more had to be provided because there weren’t enough for the inmates.

 

They all wrote emotional messages to their mothers, appreciating them for their love, care, attention and support.

 

These are some of the words they penned for their mothers:

“Sweet Mother, you are the best”

“Mum I disappointed you, I am sorry”

“I love you mum”

“Super Mum”

“Mum, this is your Mum of the Century award”

“I don’t deserve you mum, you are too much”

“You sold all to pay for my lawyer’s fees. I don’t know how to thank you”

“All abandoned me, but you are just there. You are more than a million”

Encouraged with the responses of the inmates, the prison ministry purchased a large number of cards for Father’s Day celebration with the thought that inmates would need to send lovely wishes to their fathers.

 

They were wrong. Unfortunately, only ten inmates out of thousands came out to pick cards. Three of them wrote negative things on their cards. Curious, the ministry involved decided to interview some of the inmates about their relationship with their fathers. What they said should be food for thought for all fathers. Some of them said:

“My father is the reason I am here. He is a bad example.”

“He was never in my life. I don’t know him.”

“I don’t have a father. He is late, but he is living in Ohio now.”

“He made me wild.”

“I hate him.”

“He beats my mum regularly.”

“He is an idiot.”

“I don’t like him.”

“He made me gay.”

“I met him for the first time when I was 12.”

“He said he was not my father.”

“He divorced my mother when I was 3. I met him twice after.”

“He is a pastor of a church, but a devil at home.”

‘’We are three boys, raised by an idiotic and alcoholic father and we are all in prison.’’

“Please don’t mention his name.”

“He introduced me to porn. I became a sex addict and rapist, here I am.”

“That idiot slept with my sister”

The following summarizes what mothers are doing and the mistakes some fathers are making. Every father who is reading this should take heed and avoid the common mistakes of modern fathers.

ABSENTEE FATHERHOOD

Lots of fathers are absent from the lives of their children. Millions of children are being raised by single mothers worldwide. It’s a mistake on the part of any man to abandon his children for their mother only.

MIDNIGHT FATHERHOOD

Some fathers are home mostly at night while their children are fast asleep.

DELEGATING PARENTING

Some fathers delegate almost everything about parenting to their wives. They believe their only duty at home is to pay house rent, school fees and other bills. This is very wrong. School fees cannot raise a child. An excellent father is much involved in rearing, nurturing, caring, training and parenting his children. He is ready to attend parents-teachers meetings and he is available on important days in the lives of his children.

 

ORDER, JUDGEMENT SYSTEM

Some fathers run the order-judgement system. They give order to their children in the morning and come out to judge them in the night for any wrongdoing. No love, no interaction, no intimacy and no effective communication.

EXECUTIVE FATHERHOOD

Lots of fathers are executive in nature. They behave like managers at home. Their rooms are their offices. They issue orders which everybody must obey. They have a formal relationship with their wives and children.

CELEBRITY FATHERHOOD

Some fathers who are famous or in a position of leadership and authority are fond of having a celebrity mindset at home. They behave like a tin-god and separate themselves from their children. Some pastors are fond of this too. They fail to know the difference between spiritual and biological fatherhood. They are so far from their children and still busy even when at home. They find it difficult to have a personal relationship with their children.

IRRESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD

Can you imagine this home? The father gets a fat salary but he hardly drops a dime at home for his wife and children. This is an act of irresponsible fatherhood.

CHILD ABUSE

Some fathers, especially in Africa, believe that the best way to raise a child is to beat them and inflict injury. They use everything to harm their children in the name of discipline. Some even use blades to harm their children.

A father made his 16-year-old daughter stand clad on the street to shame her for committing fornication. This is simply Child abuse, not discipline. The Bible supports child discipline, not child abuse. See this:

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the ROD OF CORRECTION shall drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 KJV.

Note that it is the rod of correction the Bible calls it, not the rod of affliction. Child abuse is wrong, don’t do it.

NON INVOLVEMENT

Some fathers are at home but they are never involved in the lives of their children. They pay the bills and provide all things, but they will never raise a finger. They believe that their wives only are responsible for raising children. This is wrong. A father must be involved in all the 6 phases of parenting namely:

Childbearing

Child rearing

Child nurturing

Child discipline

Childcare

Child training

This is what excellent parenting is all about.

WIFE BATTERING

Modern men are still committing the crime of beating their wives, the mothers of their children with impunity. This is a grave mistake that a father must not commit.

CHILD BRIBERY

Trying to bribe a child to behave in a certain way by promising a reward only teaches a child that they get a prize if they act inappropriately first, and then change their behaviour. If you want them to act appropriately for the first time, a good child discipline alternative is to remind them how good it feels to make the right choices or to simply give the predetermined positive consequence for positive behaviour.

Culled from the book Excellent Fatherhood

Let me add this.

* Always find time to discuss with your children in a friendly manner.

God bless all fathers. Cheers